Death in the Family

At the beginning of August we received a phone call that Donna’s sister Cora (generally known as “Pixie”) had passed away. While we have had other deaths in the family, this was the first one of one of the siblings.

[Gravestone]

But that got me thinking – how many of our combined family members have passed away and what percentage does that represent.

 

Defining the population

The goal here was to assemble a list of all the family members in “our” generation. So, I started with myself, my wife, and all of our combined siblings (I’m one of five and my wife is one of seven). That part was easy. Then I added all our first cousins, i.e. the children of our parent’s siblings (ignoring whether such individuals were biological relatives or adopted). Then, I added in all the spouses/significant others of each of the siblings/cousins.

But, as in many families, there were a few “exceptions”. First, I included my Hill cousins (who are technically cousins of cousins) as we always treated them as first cousins during all our growing-up lives and since. Secondly, I did not include any cousins on my wife’s mother’s side. When my wife’s grandfather passed away, his mother obtained custody of all his children, so there was never any contact between my wife’s mother and her older siblings. Even as the family genealogist, I do not have any good records of what happened to all of them. Finally, there are a few other miscellaneous exceptions – such as my wife’s sister was married briefly when she was 18 to a local soldier but they divorced shortly thereafter and he moved away, so no one in the family has been in contact with him for 50 years.

At the end of the above process, I had accumulated a total of 74 names of individuals. These 74 are all age 70 (+/- 12) with the oldest still living being 82 and the youngest being nearly 60.

 

Population Analysis

Exactly half of these 74 individuals are male and half are female. But beyond this, the percentages tell very different stories.

Of the 74 individuals, 28 (38%) of them have passed away. But the ratio of M/F is quite different. 18 (49%) of the 37 men have passed away, but only 10 (27%) of the females have passed away. So even in this small sample, the women are outliving the men.

Our immediate families seem to be living longer that the others. While the cousins and their spouses represent 65% (48/74) in this population they account for 75% of the deaths (21/28). Similarly, the spouses represent 55% (41/74) of the population, but they account for 64% of the deaths (18/28).

 

My Outlook

So, what does this say about me? Already, nearly half of the men in my generation of this extended family have passed away. But of the 19 men still living, only 3 are older than I am and the oldest is only 2 years older (Donna’s brother Chuck is 78 and is currently in an assisted living home).

I also maintain the records for our church senior citizens. While there are 68 individuals older than myself among our church attendees, only 26 men are older than I am. And of the five funerals of men this year, four of them were for men younger than me.

In doing some research, there are different figures given for the average lifespan of people in the US based on their gender. The CDC gives figures of 73.2/79.1 (M/F). But other websites give figures of 74.8/80.2 and 75.3/80.5 (these latter ones are for white males/females where the corresponding figures for black males/females are 69.0/76.1).

I’m reminded of a comedian I saw a video of recently. He stated, “I’m 74 and the average lifespan of men is age 76. But for women the average lifespan in 81, so now seems to be the ideal time to do a gender transition in order to add 5 years to my life.”

While one can’t apply averages to individuals, they do give some idea on where one stands. Already in 2024 I’ve had two hospital stays as well as 18 doctor/dentist visits (with 6 more scheduled in the next 3 months). But while I may be having physical issues, mentally I’m doing quite well. I had my annual Alzheimer’s aging test earlier this week and the person running the tests said that she’s not used to having anyone who goes through the test battery as fast as I do. And while I spend a lot of my day in a recliner with my foot raised due to my amputation and neuropathy, I have a constant stream of grandsons coming through the room as I oversee their home schooling.

So, I may be aging, but when people ask how I’m doing, my response is always, “I’m doing great!” And that, to me, is the most important aspect!