The “Like Me” Syndrome

Rather than posting another one of my genealogy stories in my blog today, I’d like to discuss a very different type of topic.  I’m calling it the “Like Me” syndrome, although I’m sure that somewhere others have given it other names.  And I would like to propose that this syndrome is at the heart of many different types of issues that we face in the world today.

The basis for the “Like Me” syndrome is that as human beings we tend to feel most comfortable with we are with groups of people who are like us, and to feel uncomfortable when we are with groups of individuals who are not like us.  Note that I said “tend” – this is something that we can learn to overcome, although it often requires a certain amount of deliberateness.  While I’m sure there are many other examples, I’d like to focus on just a few of them.

Racial/Ethnic “Clumping”

Have you ever noticed that groups of individuals who are “like” each other tend to clump together?  I heard recently that the largest group of Somalian immigrants in the US live in and around Minneapolis (http://www.allied-media.com/Somali_American/Somali_American_demographics.html).  Now Minneapolis, with its harsh winters, seems like one of the least likely places for people from Somalia to settle in the US.  So, why are they there?  Because when new immigrants come to the US from Somalia, they want to be where other people “like them” are already located.

The same is true for racial groups.  African-Americans account for about 13% of the US population (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Race_and_ethnicity_in_the_United_States), but Ferguson, MO, which has recently been in the news, has over 65% African-American (http://quickfacts.census.gov/qfd/states/29/2923986.html).  On the other extreme, the small town where I go to church, Emmaus, PA, has only 1.6% African-American (http://www.census.gov/quickfacts/table/PST045214/00,4223584), so despite the fact that our church is very open to other races, we only have a few people with dark-hued skin – because so few of them are around.

Female/Male dominated professions

I’ve seen a number of articles recently about the lack of females in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) professions.  Some are suggesting that the way to “fix” this is to have more female teachers in those subject areas in middle/high school (http://hechingerreport.org/teaching-profession-isnt-pink-enough/).  But this report notes that we already have over 50% of the teachers being female.

In the years following WWII and the availability of grants to returning soldiers, men greatly outnumbered women on college/university campuses.  But through the next few decades the number of women increased and reached parity around 1979.  More recent figures show a 10% gap in favor of women in college entrance (http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/03/06/womens-college-enrollment-gains-leave-men-behind/).  Yet even with this huge advantage in numbers, there are more men than women in the STEM majors.  I think it is because of the “like me” syndrome.  Men naturally want to be with others like them, and women want to be with others like them.  The STEM majors are one of the few remaining areas where the men can feel comfortable because they are still in the majority.  It’s the same reason why professions like nursing and pre-college education are much less attractive to men – they feel uncomfortable when they are surrounded by so many others who are not “like them”.

Solutions that don’t work

We continue to have a failed history of trying to “fix” this “like me” syndrome via legislative means.  The forced busing response to civil rights really couldn’t fix the problem – some of our cities and school districts are so heavily white/non-white that we would have to bus across district boundaries (for example, while the town my church is in is over 90% white/non-Hispanic, Allentown, right next door, is only 43% white/non-Hispanic, 43% Hispanic, and over 12% African-American).  But Emmaus and Allentown are in separate school districts.

Similarly, trying to “fix” the lack of females in the STEM majors by increasing the number of female teachers in middle/high school in those subjects isn’t going to work either – the female teachers are already a majority.  And since the STEM majors are one of the few where male students can feel comfortable with others like themselves, if we drive them out of those majors by forcing quotas, etc. we’ll only succeed in discouraging even more men from going to college where they have no places to feel comfortable.

Solutions that might work

I don’t believe that any forced legislation or quota system will ever fix the “like me” syndrome.  You can’t force people to feel comfortable by just putting them in the same room with a bunch of people who are not “like them”.  Rather, I believe that one can only feel comfortable if you develop the cultural sensitivity to recognize how others are “like” you so that the “like me” part of you can dominate the “not like me” part.  Let me give some examples from my own experience.

A few years ago my wife and I had the opportunity to attend a Sunday morning worship service at a church in the next county that was a nearly all “black” Baptist church.  But even though my skin color made me stand out in that large crowd, I felt comfortable – because despite the difference in skin color, we were all Christians and worshipping the same God.  They were all “like me” in the way that mattered the most.

I do a lot of volunteer work for AFS Intercultural Programs.  The volunteer body is heavily female.  But I feel comfortable working in this organization – because in spite of the gender imbalance, the volunteers are all focused on the same mission.  So, in that sense, they are all “like me”.

AFS has helped me in other ways too.  The mission statement of AFS is “AFS-USA works toward a more just and peaceful world by providing international and intercultural learning experiences to individuals, families, schools, and communities through a global volunteer partnership.”  As I have had the opportunity to travel to other countries around the world, I feel comfortable – even if I am the only US American in sight.  By viewing each situation as an “intercultural learning experience,” I am learning about those around me just as they are learning about me.  So, since they are “like me” in that way that matters the most, I can feel at ease.

Think about your own experiences.  When you are with others who are “like you” do you feel more comfortable than when you are with others who are “not like you?”  What is it about the group that makes you “like” each other?  What other aspects of the group could you focus on so that the “like me” could dominate the “not like me?”