Retirement – What’s That?

In the latest post in my sister’s blog (pseudomyxomacancer.blogspot.com), she wrote “We had dreams of spending our retired years being spontaneous, getting out of town on a whim. Dreams of sitting and enjoying many more sunsets in our golden years. Now we are fairly certain that will not be our future.” She was writing that on the third anniversary of my brother-in-law being diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. Although that’s not what’s happened to me, I share those same feelings with her.

I “retired,” in the sense that I was no longer working for a living, in my late 50s, when changes at my employer made working no longer enjoyable and when I estimated that I would have as much income from pension and investments as I would have by working. My wife was still teaching, so we weren’t yet “free” to enjoy my less scheduled hours, but I thought that would only be a matter of a few years. But then a series of events changed all of that.

My wife taught for two more years, then decided to take a sabbatical. However, within a month, her mother began having falling incidents and we decided that she needed to devote some time to taking care of her mother. Since that was in Michigan, she essentially moved out there for the next year and a half while I “held down the fort” here in Pennsylvania. Then, when she finally came home after her mother passed away, she overnight transitioned from senior care to child care – going to New Jersey to help our son and daughter-in-law who had just had a difficult pregnancy.

Meanwhile, our daughter had gotten married. And since their finances were somewhat limited they were living with us in the space over our attached garage which we had designed several years earlier as a “mother-in-law apartment.” But only two months after helping my son and daughter-in-law, our daughter also delivered her first child, a grandson, and with both she and our son-in-law working, my wife and I jointly took on the role of child care during the day. Little did we yet imagine what that was going to turn into!

Fast forward another seven years, three more children (all of them boys!), and our child care duties have expanded to more than full-time. The last two were both preemies, so that was yet another wrinkle. Then, because our son-in-law was not willing to work to help support the family, at the beginning of this year our daughter asked him to leave the home until he was working at least 30 hours/week. He still comes by a few times a week and helps, but for the most part my wife and I have the responsibility of raising those four grandsons.

Don’t get me wrong – we love all our grandchildren. But when one’s day starts with getting them up in the morning, fixing breakfast, watching over all their activities, changing diapers (so looking forward to that ending in the near future!), overseeing homework, etc., it takes a lot of energy. And neither my wife nor I have as much energy as we did 30 years ago.

And there is no sign of it ending. The boys are ages 7, 5, 4, and 3. It’s going to be 15 years before the youngest will be off to college and by then we’ll be in our mid-80s. As my sister said, being spontaneous, acting on whims, sitting and enjoying the sunsets – I don’t envision those in our future.  

Retirement? What does that mean in this context? Certainly not the carefree life that I had envisioned. I no longer get paid for what I do, but if anything, I’m busier that I was back when I “worked for a living.” My calendar is filled with increasing numbers of doctor visits as our bodies age. And my wife and I have to coordinate our schedules since we both cannot be out at the same time. And other activities have to be planned well in advance, certainly not be spontaneous.

Yes, I do see changes coming. The end of diapers. The time when the youngest is also in school so the hours between the bus departing in the morning and meeting it at the end of the street in the afternoon will be more open. But I haven’t been able to think much beyond that. And by the time the youngest is off to college we’ll be in our mid-80s – assuming we’re still alive at that age.

Retirement? Yes, I will admit to sometimes being jealous of some of my friends who get to spend time travelling, sleeping in, doing things on the spur of the moment. But on the other hand, we are exactly where God wants us to be. We are surrounded by family who love us and whom we can love. We are able to use the skills that we’ve honed over the years to help raise another generation of young men.

Retirement? Perhaps what’s really wrong is the idealistic view that we have of it. Why should we think we can just stop working, sit back, and watch others slave away the way that we did for 40+ years? Rather, shouldn’t we be asking God, “What can I do now!” Instead of having the focus be on ourselves, maybe we need to keep the focus on God instead.

I’ve had other people of my age tell me, “I admire what you’re doing, I couldn’t do it!” And perhaps that's the point. My wife and I are still healthy enough to be able to do this. Yes, there are times when my joints ache. Yes, there I days that I look forward to having an afternoon nap (as long as it’s coordinated with my wife’s schedule since we can’t nap at the same time). But God has given us the strength to handle this, and as long as He continues to do so, then we will continue to follow His leading in our lives.

Retirement? I just have a new boss – and He will grant me a future pension with Him that’s worth far more than the monetary one that my earthly employer did.