Long Marriages

My sister Dawn also has a blog where she often posts thoughtful things about what is going on in her life. Recently she posted an article entitled Is There Only One Soulmate for Us in Life. In it she noted “When I was a teenager and beginning to think about my future, I envisioned getting married, having a family. I wanted, desired, a long marriage like that of my grandparents, my parents, and my aunts and uncles.”

That was somewhat my expectation growing up as well. But as I have now been married for over 50 years (which I believe should count as a “long marriage”, I thought I would explore the context that my sister alluded to. What constitutes a long marriage in the context of our family? [Note that in the below analysisI’ve established a somewhat arbitrary cutoff of at least 35 years of marriage. Also, those with multiple marriages that added to at least 35 will be marked with an “*”.]

[Wedding Rings]

 

My Grandparents Generation

My mother’s parents

·        Harold and Sara [Blackman] Pierpont – 3/26/1919-11/30/1969 (50 years)

·        Since we really didn’t know many of their siblings, except my great-aunt Edna, who never married, I will not explore any of them

My father’s parents and siblings of parents

·        My father’s parents divorced and both remarried, so I need to look at the sum of two marriages for each of them:

·        Erskine and Vera [Levy] Russell – 6/23/1914-1928 (14 years)

o   Erskine and Elizabeth [Evans] Russell – 6/18/1932-1/23/1970 (37 years) – 51* years for Erskine

o   Charles and Vera [Russell] Rogers – 6/1930-7/7/1963 (33 years) – 47* years for Vera

·        Let me also look at each of their siblings who married:

o   Harold and Pauline [Russell] Scott – 1923-7/23/1987 (64 years)

o   George and Loretta [Russell] McNaught – 4/2/1924-3/22/1973 (almost 49 years)

o   William and Mildred [Osborne] Russell – 11/29/1922-7/21/1969 (46 years)

o   Joseph and Irene [Levy] Hartwell – 7/1923-1/3/1981 (57 years)

 

My Parents Generation

·        Vernon and Sylvia [Pierpont] Russell – 9/7/1946-9/5/2006 (2 days short of 60 years)

·        Clarence and Barbara [Bishop] Pierpont – 2/14/1948-3/25/2006 (58 years)

·        Joe and Alice [Pierpont] Tucker – 5/1/1958-11/12/1996 (38 years)

o   Joe and Fern [Trenhaile] Tucker – 8/14/1937-12/21/1957 (20 years) – 58* years for Uncle Joe, his first wife died relatively young

·        Richard and Gertrude [Clark] Pierpont – 6/19/1946-9/14/2011 (55 years)

·        Anthony and Violet [Pierpont] Semeraro – 6/18/1949-4/9/2005 (54 years)

·        Robert and Dorothy [Russell] Hill – 10/29/1938-5/22/1989 (50 years)

·        William and Shirley [McNaught] Meo – 8/13/1949-1/27/2017 (67 years) [Shirley is my father’s cousin]

 

My Generation

In the below, for any who are still married and continuing to add years I’ve put a “+” sign after the number of years beyond today (end of May, 2022).

Myself and my siblings:

·        Alan and Donna [VanDeCar] Russell – 7/17/1971- (50+ years)

·        Gerald and Beth [Russell] Meskun – 10/24/1970-1982 (12 years)

o   Robert and Beth [Russell] [Meskun] Rumsey – 9/17/1982-9/11/2013 (31 years)

o   Dave and Beth Ciarcia – 6/21/2014– 50+* years for Beth

·        Charles and Joanne [Hundt] Russell – 8/2/1981- (40+ years)

·        Michael and Dawn [Russell] Roberts – 6/2/1979-1/24/2000 (20 years)

o   George and Dawn [Russell] [Roberts] Haskin – 11/10/2002-9/30/2019 (17 years) – 37* years for Dawn

·        Edd and Ingrid [Engler] Russell – 8/8/1983- (38+ years)

My Pierpont cousins:

·        David and Beverly [Baldree] Pierpont – 6/19/1971- (50+ years)

·        Robert and Judith [Samoska] Pierpont – 5/15/1981- (41+ years)

·        David and Norma [Young] Tucker – 3/31/1963-11/2017 (54 years)

·        Tom and Susan [Morley] Tucker – 11/21/1974-11/22/2014 (40 years)

o   Tom and Betty [DeMaris] [Sparks] Tucker – 10/5/2018- (3+ years) – 43+* years for Tom

·        Chris and Cindy [Pierpont] Barrere – 6/9/1973- (48+ years)

·        Ronald and Deborah [Williams] Pierpont – 5/25/1974-12/1/1978 (4 years)

o   Ronald and Nadine [Steen] Pierpont – 2/20/1982- (40+ years) – 44+* years for Ron

My Russell cousins:

·        Bob and Carolyn [Hill] Burns – 4/20/1963-6/23/1999 (36 years)     

·        John and Debbie [Hill] Gugliotti – 1/25/1969- (53+ years) [Note that Debbie is technically my cousin’s cousin, but as they lived in the same town as our family growing up and we always called them cousins I have listed her here]

·        Alan and Jane [Russell] Young – 8/12/1972- (49+ years) [Jane is a 2^nd cousin]

 

My Wife’s Family

I’ve documented before (see here) that my wife’s family is full of divorces and re-marriages, making her family tree quite complicated. There are very few cases that could qualify as a “long marriage”. So, I’ll only list a few that are perhaps worthy of that label:

·        Her parents: Charles and Mary [Wright] VanDeCar – 7/4/1945-1/24/2006 (60 years)

·        One brother: Bob and Cherie [Bradshaw] VDC – 6/18/1983-9/1/2013 (30 years) – Cherie died at age 61

·        A cousin: Elgie, three marriages of 24, 7, and 28 years – total of 59 years

 

Summary

Let me put all the above marriage lengths in each generation [ignoring my wife’s relatives] in order (longest first):

·        Grandparents – 64, 57, 51*, 50, 49, 47*, 46 (average 52)

·        Parents – 67, 60, 58, 58*, 55, 54, 50, 38 (average 55)

·        Myself and siblings – 50+, 50+*, 40+, 38+, 37* (average 43)

·        Cousins – 54, 53+, 50+, 49+, 48+, 44+*, 43+*, 41+, 36 (average 46)

Thus, while my wife and I have been married longer than many of my grandparents, we have only been married longer than a few of those from my parent’s generation. And while we’ve been married longer than any of my siblings, and longer than many of my cousins, there are still three cousins who have been married longer (and several more nipping at our heels).

 

Conclusion

As my sister indicated in her blog, when you grow up in contact with so many ancestors who have had long marriages, you also have an expectation of having a long marriage for yourself. While often those expectations do turn into reality, sometimes there are other things such as a partner dying young that prevent you from reaching such a goal. Certainly, I’ve had my share of issues – such as a massive heart attack 17 years ago which could have ended my life just 33 years into our marriage. But I survived and my wife and I can now count ourselves as members of the “long marriage” group.

I am happy to be in the company of so many others in my family who have set such an example in their long and happy marriages. And, with God’s help, I will spend several more years in the company of the woman I love!