Lost and Found

Today I was watching a few episodes of Lost and Found – Only Human on YouTube. This show out of New Zealand is about an investigator who helps people find missing relatives – usually people looking for their birth father or birth mother and sometimes about parents looking for missing children or people looking for lost siblings. Generally, the investigator is successful, but sometimes the individual being looked for has passed away, so they try to find other relatives instead. I do a lot of genealogical research for others as a hobby, so I relate pretty strongly with this investigator. I’d like to relate some of the searches I have done.

[Only Human]

 

Adoptee Looking for Birth Mother

This was some research I did a few years ago for the husband of my second cousin. I’ve detailed that story before (see here and here), so I’ll not list the details again. Although his birth mother had passed away, I was able to connect him with three of his half-siblings. So, the story does have a happy ending.

 

Given Away, but not Forgotten

[Names changed to protect privacy]

Sharon was the youngest of four siblings. When she was only 2, her mother passed away suddenly at age 30 after a short illness. While her father felt confident enough to continue caring for the older children (ages 4, 5, 8), he did not feel that he could raise Sharon. So, she was given up for adoption and taken in by a couple in the next county.

When Sharon grew up, she moved frequently, but eventually ended up back in the county of her birth. Her adoptive parents had told her of the circumstances of her parents, and as a result she still harbored some bad feelings toward her father. Knowing his name, she was able to locate his grave as he had also passed away when Sharon was only 9. Wanting to know more about her birth family, she asked if I could uncover any further information.

The first bit of exciting information I was able to locate for her was a copy of her father’s obituary (from 1977). In it, she was delighted to see that her name was listed. Even though she had been gone from the family for nearly 7 years at that point, she had not been forgotten! That was a life-changing revelation. I was then able to connect her with her two sisters who still lived in the area. Even though it had been 50 years since she was separated from the rest of the family it was nice for her to know who they were and that she was not “alone in the world.”

 

Three Fathers?

[Again, names changed for privacy purposes]

Betty’s mother was married three times. She had children with her first husband, Betty with her second husband, and has lived for the past several decades with her third husband. But that is not the reason for the topic of this section, as Betty knows all of these individuals. The source of confusion and investigation has to do with Betty’s biological father, Ben.

Ben’s mother, Bertha, married Bobby when she was only 18. But she was evidently not faithful to her husband. When she gave birth at age 19, the father was not Bobby, but a 28-year-old married man, Carl, who lived near them in Philadelphia. Bobby was upset by this, so divorced Bertha and married someone else the following year. Unable to support Ben on her own, Bertha put him up for adoption and he was adopted by a couple who lived in the next county. As is often the case in such situations, Ben’s adoptive parents had him initially as foster parents for the few months it took to complete all the background checks and paperwork. Thus, Ben had three “fathers” – his biological father (who had no part in his life), his biological mother’s husband (who left her before Ben was born), and his adoptive father.

Ben had only been married to Betty’s mother for a short time. They had divorced and he was living in another state when he passed away suddenly at the age of 43. Betty was only 16 at the time. Ben’s cause of death had been an aneurysm, but during the autopsy, it was discovered that he also had a number of cancerous tumors of a type that sometimes has a genetic cause.

Betty was the only child of Ben, and as she got older, married, and began to have children of her own, she was concerned that that genetic component might have been passed on to her or her children. She had done some initial research, using the DNA analysis available on both ancestry.com and 23-and-me. She had determined the name of Ben’s biological mother (who was still living), as well as Ben’s biological father (who had died a few years prior). But his biological mother was understandably not willing to share much information from this painful period in her life. Betty asked if I might help in her investigation as I am much more skilled than she is.

Using the skills that I have developed over the years, I was able to locate a few more generations of both of Ben’s biological parents and identify the age at which they died and, for some of his ancestors, get death records indicating a cause of death. So, I was happy to report to Betty that all of those ancestors lived long lives, and there had been no traces of cancer reported in any of them. Thus, there is unlikely to be a genetic component to the cancer that Ben had and both Betty and her offspring can rest easier.

Not the typical reason for doing ancestral research, but a perfectly valid one.

 

Being Accepted and Finding a Cousin

[Name changed to protect privacy]

Anna had a non-typical life growing up. Her parents had each had multiple marriages. Several of those marriages had children involved, so she had a collection of siblings, half-siblings, and stepsiblings. But this made it hard to have established relationships. Her father passed away at the age of 50 and her mother passed away at the age of 54, thus Anna found herself, not yet 30, with no living parents and relationships with her siblings very strained. She moved around, got involved in drugs, and felt like she was totally on her own. In poor health, she became classified as disabled and her sole income was through SSDI.

Finally, in her mid-50s, Anna moved to Emmaus and got an apartment in county-owned housing that took individuals who were disabled and unable to work. Unbeknownst to her initially, the high-rise she lived in was just a block from our church. In December, as was our custom, we had a Christmas luncheon at the church and delivered invitations to all the residents in that high-rise. Not wanting to pass up a free meal, Anna made the short trip to our church.

It was unlike anything she had ever experienced. She felt accepted, people introduced themselves to her and talked to her. Many of the people who come to that Christmas luncheon leave right afterwards and we never see them again. But Anna felt this church was like family. She accepted Christ and kept coming back for Sunday services.

As is my custom, I like to build family trees for people in the congregation and see how they are connected to others in the church – including to myself. Knowing only Anna’s name, address, and a rough age, I did so for her as well (totally without her input). The following week, I presented her with my finding and said, “Hello, cousin!” She was shocked. Not only had she found a church family, but she had found a biological family as well, albeit a very distant cousin.

It is now a couple of years later, Anna is still coming to church nearly every Sunday, and she and I smile as we say, “Good morning, cousin,” each time we see each other. Her life has been changed in many ways. The power of God and the power of connections!

 

Footnote

In the process of doing the above research, I also checked to see if these individuals were related to me. In addition to “Anna” being a distant cousin, I have determined that “Sharon” is a distant cousin of mine, and “Betty” is a distant cousin of my wife.