Two things happened this weekend that when put together have
caused me to rethink some of how I feel and should react to some of the current
protests going on in this country.
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The first was that my sister Dawn posted a lengthy entry on
her blog called Uncomfortable Truths (*1). In it she talks about how she had
been responding to the current protests over the death of George Floyd, how
some of her African American friends called her out over her initial response,
her upbringing and how that shaped her perspective, and how all that is causing
her to rethink what her attitudes and response should be to the current
situation.
In response to that posting, my niece Amy gave a very
thoughtful posting of her own. Since it is not in a blog that I can point you
to, I’ve reproduced it below (*5) if you want to read it. There are also a lot
of YouTube/podcast references that you can listen to for additional input.
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The second thing was a discussion that my wife and I had
with a church friend who is a retired missionary who spent much of her life in
Thailand and China. As we talked, I realized that there is much in common
between some of what we were talking about and the above topic.
The commonality is in the way that we Americans view other
cultures when we get involved in them. We tend to want to approach missions as
introducing others not only to our God, but to do so by expecting them to adopt
“American ways” of relating to that God. Instead, we need to recognize that
there are other ways that are not the same as we are used to and that we need
to be “culturally appropriate” and “culturally sensitive” as we work together.
It’s not that “our” way is “right” and theirs is “wrong,” but that there are
multiple ways that may both be “right.”
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I haven’t yet thought through in enough detail to know
exactly how to react to all the nuances of the current Black Lives Matter
outrage, but I have had more exposure to non-US culture than most and I’ve
tried (although not always successfully) to be culturally appropriate in all my
foreign travels and experiences. I’ve written a few articles on this before
(*2, *3), so you can read those in their entirety if you desire.
But the point is not the individual situation/circumstances,
but the attitude that one needs to have – the ability to see things from
someone else’s viewpoint.
Thus, if someone says, “Black Lives Matter,” giving a
response of “All Lives Matter” is NOT the right way to respond. Yes, it’s true
that all lives matter, but to give such an insensitive response is to show that
you don’t give credibility to the other person’s point of view – one where they
feel that they are marginalized.
Similarly, telling someone that they have the same educational
opportunities or they can just move out of the urban areas and into the suburbs
where you live is to be insensitive to several aspects. For one, it’s hard to
feel comfortable being with others who are different than you (I’ve written
about this before in (*4)). And it’s also hard to focus on schooling and studying
when all around you are many who have given up and who depend on the street
gangs to be a substitute for the nuclear family that those of us already in the
suburbs take for granted.
Make no mistake – putting yourself in someone else’s shoes
and seeing things from their perspective is HARD. I’ve learned how to do so in
other cultures around the world and I’m sure I’ve made many mistakes along the
way (and been graciously forgiven for them because they knew I was trying). I
have not had the opportunity to do so among other cultures (like inner-city
black cultures in the US). And I would most certainly make many more mistakes
there as well. But to just ignore the current cultural “wars” taking place in
this country is not the right approach.
I have a lot more thinking to do on this subject (and
actions to take as a result). But I’d like to end with one more story as an
illustration.
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On my first trip to China there were three of us who thought
we’d take a break from eating Chinese food and we had seen a McDonalds just a
block or so away from the hotel as we had been riding our bus back that
afternoon. So, we took a walk to find it. This was a local McDonalds, not like
the big touristy ones on Tiananmen Square. No one there spoke English, there
were no snaky lines going up to the counter – it was just chest-to-back,
shoulder-to-shoulder crammed together. If someone hesitated in moving up, then someone
else would cut in line. Once you got your food you just lifted the tray over
your head, turned sideways to make your way out from the counter, etc. I looked it over, decided that I needed to do
as the locals did, made my way to the front of the line, ordered (having looked
over the menu board which had pictures on it, just held up one finger, pointed
to the value meal #1 and said “coke” which is universal), got my food, paid in
yuan, and exited from the counter area. My two colleagues, observing typical US
customs, left space between themselves and the person in front of them and got
cut off several times before they got to the counter.
Back in the dining area, I again looked around and saw no
empty seats. But I could see that the way you got a seat was to find a person
who was finishing up, stand right next to/behind them to “claim” that seat
until they finished their last fry, then sit down when they got up. Sharing a
table with someone else was “normal”. So, I did the same, claimed a
soon-to-be-vacated seat, then sat down with a nice Chinese family and ate my
meal. My two compatriots couldn’t figure it all out and ended up carrying their
trays outside where they sat on the curb eating.
As we all finished and were walking back to the hotel, I
said, “that was fun!” as I had enjoyed the cross-cultural experience. The other
two said, “that was horrible!” as they had felt jostled, cut off, had trouble
ordering as they had to wait for someone to help them order in English, hadn’t
been able to find a comfortable seat, etc. My being able to see a different way
of doing things and putting aside my prejudices in how things “ought” to be,
gave me a richer experience.
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The same is true in the current Black Lives Matter
environment. We need to recognize that other people’s perspectives are valid
and empathize with them, not respond with platitudes such as “All Lives Matter.”
As I said earlier, I don’t have all the answers, nor have I
had the experiences to give me the level of understanding that I would like.
And I’ll probably make many more mistakes as I figure out the best way to
react/respond to all that is going on. But I hope that others will forgive me
when I make those mistakes, because I really do want to try. The love and
compassion for others that is required by my God and my Christian faith demands
that of me.
Notes:
*5 - Amy’s Response:
Hi
Aunt Dawn,
One
of the things I have been most amazed by recently is the humility and
vulnerability people have shown when they learn that maybe there have been
things happening that they haven’t seen or realized before. I am myself humbled
and impressed to hear you tell the story of taking a step back to try to
understand more about what your friends meant when they responded to your post.
In that way, you set an example for all of us in doing this. I hope we all have
the courage to do the same.
I
myself have learned some things along the way, and I wanted to share some
resources that have been helpful to me, and may help us understand what’s
happening even more.
“The
13th” is a movie about the 13th amendment that really gives a great historical
perspective on how we got here today. I saw recently that it’s free to watch on
YouTube. https://youtu.be/krfcq5pF8u8
Like
you, I, for a long time in my life thought that ‘not seeing race’ was the best
thing I could do - that it was the best way to see people equally. However,
what I’ve learned along the way is that the ‘colorblind’ perspective can actually
hurt our understanding of the world and others. So, you ask, “does that make
you a bad person?” No- to the contrary actually. This article sums up nicely
this lesson that others have taught me along the way: https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2018/10/05/white-parents-teach-their-children-be-colorblind-heres-why-thats-bad-everyone/
Additionally,
once we allow ourselves to see race, we also can start to allow ourselves to
see our own implicit biases. I used to think that if I were to admit I am
biased, I would be a bad person, however, what I’ve learned, like everything
else, that once you can see it and admit it, you can work on it. Plus, bias is
often a result of unconscious thought, not conscious. I find it comforting to
understand that it’s not because I am a bad person I have biases, but it’s
because these narratives are interwoven so deeply into our society, that it
would have been impossible for me not to pick up on those messages over time. I
would recommend this podcast in thinking about unpacking the issue of bias: https://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia/532950995/the-culture-inside
I
also really like this podcast by Ibram Kendi and Brene Brown, where they talk about
racism as so ubiquitous it’s like the rain. https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-with-ibram-x-kendi-on-how-to-be-an-antiracist/
And...
that’s a lot of podcasts! I’d love to learn more from the resources you’re
reading and listening to as well. Thank you again for sharing what was on your
heart and mind.
NICE STORY I LIKE IT I THINK IT IS FUNNY! :)
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