Racial Tensions

The news during the last year has been full of stories that involve different types of racism – from the BLM connected ones in various cities to the recent mass murder that involved several Asian-American women. Tensions between different racial groups is much higher than it has been for much of my lifetime.

Just as it’s normal for people to feel comfortable around others who are like them, it’s also fairly typical to feel uncomfortable around others who are “different”. (See my blog on the "like me" syndrome from several years ago related to this issue.)

I’ve had the opportunity to make many international trips to various parts of the world either because of my work or my volunteer duty working with exchange students. In nearly all of my trips I went by myself, i.e., without any other US Americans (note that in this blog I’m going to refer to those from the United States as “US Americans” in deference to my friends from around the world – see my blog here for an explanation). As a result, I encountered many situations with the possibility of misunderstanding. But I generally did my research ahead of time and so avoided many of the various misunderstandings that others may have experienced. (I’ve documented some of them here.)

But the purpose of this blog is not to rehash this topic from an intellectual perspective. Rather, I’d like to introduce you to some of my friends who are from these other “races” to show you that they are not to be maligned nor feared and that racial tension does not have to be the result of being “different”.

Since Asian-American tensions have been so recently in the news, let me start there. Here are several pictures of individuals, all friends of mine, from that part of the world and a little about them.

[Noon]

 

Noon was our exchange student daughter for a year when she was in high school. We learned a number of things from her during that year. Let me relate just a few of them here (besides the ones related to food or greeting protocol mentioned in my blogs above). First, many students from Asia adopt an “English name” as their legal name in their country is often quite different and may be hard for others to pronounce and remember (Noon’s legal first name is Jiraporn). Second, while many Americans lump all “Asians” together, the differences between the ones from one country and those from another country can be quite significant. I learned to tell the difference between the north Asians (Korea and Japan), the Chinese, and those from southeastern Asia like Thailand. It’s actually not unlike the differences in speaking style of those in the US from Boston to those from Texas or those from Alabama. There are also differences (and resulting discrimination) on those from northern Thailand (where there are many different tribes), central Bangkok area, and the southern peninsula (where many people are Muslim instead of Buddhists). When Noon left at the end of the year, I was sad, thinking that I would never see her again, but I was then fortunate enough to be able to visit her upon three occasions, two of which times I spent a week in her home with her and her parents. She is still our daughter!

[Molly]

 

Molly (legal name Wimonmat) was also an exchange student the same year. While she never lived with us, I also had the opportunity to visit her after her return to Thailand – including seeing her at her graduation from Chulalongkorn University. She has since gone on to get her Master’s degree (from Washington University in St. Louis) and her PhD (from Wellington University in New Zealand) – three universities in three different countries! Her Facebook page says, “Hi. How can I help the world revolve around you today?” What a great quote! One of the things I’ve learned about most Asians is that they are much more “other focused” than US Americans. It’s been interesting following her exploits over the more than 15 years that I’ve known her.

[Stephanie]

 

Stephanie (now going again by her Chinese name of Anthea) is from Hong Kong. She was in the US as an exchange student the same year we hosted another girl from Hong Kong. I’ve also had the opportunity to visit her in HK on multiple occasions. She got married this past year and now she and her husband have a new baby (which she features in nearly all her social media postings these days!) When I visited HK, it was in the years when it was still a British Protectorate and before the 99-year lease that they had ran out and control was returned to China. There have been a number of conflicts between the people of HK (who had gotten used to self-determination) and the government in Beijing. For most US Americans, this is difficult to appreciate except on a cursory level.

[Amrit]

 

I’d like to close this section about Asians with a different type of friend of mine. I first met Amrit about 20 years ago when he was a new contract employee in our group at work, but one with whom I shared a Christian heritage. Amrit is from India, a very different part of Asia than the three girls I shared about above. He was single when we first became friends, then during a trip back home he participated in an “arranged marriage” set up by his family. His new wife, Saritha, joined him in the US and together they have three children, all born in the US. (This picture is from about four years ago so the children have grown a bit since then, but I just love this one!)

I haven’t had the opportunity to spend time with Amrit and Saritha for a while as I retired and he went to work for another company and he now lives several towns away from me. But our common religious perspective makes him “like me” as I explained in my blog earlier.  

Let me now move to a different cultural group – those with African heritage.

[Shirley] and [Kenisha]

 

Shirley was with us the same year as Noon. She is from Ghana. Although we had had other exchanges previously, perhaps we were a bit naïve having one student from Africa and another one from Asia at the same time. We learned much from Shirley as well. For example, she said on her application that she was “fair colored” and while that may have been true compared to her fellow classmates in Ghana, it was not true here. (I’ve written about Shirley before, so I’ll not try to repeat it, but you can read about her here.) I was blessed to have the opportunity to spend a week+ with her in Ghana not too many years ago. (The picture is of me with Shirley and Shirley's mother.)

Shirley is also married and has a child, Kenisha, pictured above when she was just a few days old. When Shirley sent this picture, she said, “I had a baby 2 weeks ago. So u have another granddaughter”. That statement also illustrates the relationship between us.

[Pastor Smith]

 

Ok, by now you may be thinking that, except for Amrit, these stories are about Asians and Africans, not Asian-Americans and African-Americans. So, let me add one more person to the mix.

Pastor Smith is the pastor of our church here in Emmaus, PA. As a long-serving elder, I get to interact with him on a regular basis. And since our family sits in the front, he is right in front of me each Sunday morning before he goes onto the platform to preach. Because of the pandemic, our physical contact is currently limited to a fist-bump when we greet each other, but I’m waiting for the time when we can have a handshake or hug instead.

We had very different experiences growing up – mine in a small town in CT where there were only a very few non-white students in the entire town, and his in a Black community in IN. But like my relationship with Amrit, our both being Christians more than compensates for that. He is definitely my Christian “brother”!

 

My point in all of this is simple. If we want to focus on them, then there are lots of ways that we are different from others. And when we don’t understand those differences, many unfortunately choose to make them a reason for distrust. And then they escalate that distrust to the current vogue of “hate”. And it goes both ways as the other party may be doing the same thing.

But the different-distrust-hate path doesn’t have to be the one that we choose. How about using those differences to expand our learning and then learn ways that we are actually very much alike and learn to love each other. Choose a path of different-learning-trust-love instead!

This is the way that I’ve chosen to be in my life. The people I’ve highlighted above are only some of the examples of those whom I’ve come to love even though they are different than myself. And the above are only some of those for whom the difference involves their country of origin or their skin color. I have other friends for whom that difference may involve age/gender/politics/etc.

Neither race, age, gender, politics, etc. should be a reason to cause hate. If I can do it, so can you!